Broken hearted

Marcail (walks into the kitchen, patting her chest): Mama, my heart.
Me: Yep,that’s your heart.
Marcail: My heart.
Me: Uh huh, what about your heart?
Marcail (in an injured voice): It’s broken!
Me: Oh no! What happened to it?!
Marcail: I tripped on it!
Me: And it broke?
Marcail: Yes
Me: Does it hurt?
Marcail (pausing to consider): Nope. I’m tough.
Me (laughing and hugging her): Yes you are. Don’t ever forget that ok?
Marcail: Ok… I’ll have cookies now?

 

Too wittle to touch the sky

So I’ve been OBSESSED with the song Starships for awhile…. Something about it just makes me want to rock out in the car.

Anyway, it came on this morning and I cranked it up, to which Marcail replied, “Yay, Mommy! This is one of my favorite songs!” And she started rocking out. So I joined in and started to sing along when she said, “No, Mommy this is one of MY favorite songs, you can’t sing, just me.”

So she proceeded to rock out, occasionally singing along, but mostly just dancing her little heart out… Then suddenly she stops dancing, puts on her best pouty face and says, “I can’t touch the sky, Mommy, I’m too wittle.”

I love that kid…
w/love,
Crystal

 

Pretty like you

It’s final’s week for Mommy and I still don’t know the topic of one of my final papers… So today I’m sitting at the computer surfing through the ALA website, trying to find a big picture topic about Information and LIbraries and SUDDENLY I realize it’s a bit quiet.

“Marcail, what are you doing?”

“Using your makeup!”

I JUMPED up and ran to the bathroom, wondering as I went how she even got into my makeup bag, I thought I’d left it on the dresser in the bedroom… Luckily I had and all she had was my mascara.  Which she had smeared all over her cheeks.

“Oh, baby, no! That’s Mama’s!  You can’t use it.” 

“But, Mama, I want to be pretty like you.” 

And as I cleaned her up I’m pretty sure my heart melted in a little puddle all over the floor…

w/love,
Crystal

 

Pancake face

Last night after we read, “If You Give a Pig a Pancake,” before bed.  When we were done I told Marcail to say goodnight to the pig (which we do for all books – some, like Skippy John Jones, Llamma Llama & the Hungry Caterpillar, even warrant a goodnight kiss).

Marcail: Goodnight pig!

Me: (Putting down book) Good job!  Ok, time to turn out the lights.

Marcail: I need say goodnight to the pancake too, Mama.

Me: Um… ok.  (Picks book back up)

Marcail: Goodnight pancake!

Me: (Putting the book down again and heading to the light switch) Ok, time for night night.

Marcail: Pancake say goodnight back!

Me: (Humoring her and not paying too much attention): Yes!  I’m sure he did.

Marcai (in a voice that suggests she’s talking to a simpleton)l: NOooo, Mama!!  Pancakes don’t talk!  Pancakes don’t have faces!

Me: Oh, well, no, I guess they don’t.

Marcail: (Lays down, covers herself up and giggles to herself): Pancakes don’t have faces!

 

Humble (x2)

Me: You’re so cute! 

Marcail: Thank you!

Me: You’re cuter than a baby panda.

Marcail: No, Mommy! 

Me: No? You’re not cuter than a baby panda? 

Marcail: Nooooo.

Me: What do you think is the CUTEST animal?

Marcail: Ducks, maybe.

Me: Baby Ducks?

Marcail: YES!

Me: Are you cuter than baby ducks?

Marcail: Yes, two of them!

 

 

A little bit country

Today:
Marcail: Let’s have a party.
Me: A party?!
Marcail: Yes!!!
Me: Ok (proceeds to dance about).
Marcail: No, Mommy! Solo cup first.

 

Zoo news

On the way to the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle:
Me: We’re going to see sooo many animals today! What is your favorite, Marcail?
Marcail: ummm… Elmo

At the zoo: Marcail insisted that she be allowed to show the gorilla her tattoo, kissed an orangutan (through the glass) and asked to read the lion a bedtime story (because I said he was sleepy). Oh… And she kissed a random boy square on the mouth… I was mortified!

 

Singing

Marcail has recently started singing along to songs, her lullabies, Sesame Street songs like Rubber Ducky and Elmo’s World, the theme song to Caillou, Lady Gaga’s Just Dance, Red Solo Cup… You know the normal toddler music…

 

Grateful?

When I was going through fertility issues and especially after my miscarriage I was pretty low… mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Everything was raw. Everything hurt. All. The. Time. I thought it was the new norm, who I was going to be. Then I got pregnant. You’d think that would have solved it all, we’d finally gotten what we wanted, cause for celebration and rejoicing! But it didn’t. Instead I spent my pregnancy freaked out. Seriously, flat-out TERRIFIED. Ditto the first several months of Marcail’s life. I knew then how incredibly fleeting and fickle life and happiness were (are?) and that knowledge kept me from enjoying a lot of precious and beautiful moments in my daughter’s infancy. I was so terrified it could all be gone in the blink of an eye (again). Again, I just accepted that as a new, permanent, facet of my personality. But they weren’t. Don’t get me wrong, the raw, the hurt and the terror are still lingering about in my psyche and they do rear their ugly heads from time to time BUT they no longer rule me or define me.

Now… More than three years after the miscarriage, two plus years after Marcail made her grand entrance into our lives… I’m not going to say I’m grateful for my fertility issues or the miscarriage because I’m not. I would never. NEVER. Wish that kind of pain on another woman. But I have found that having experienced that pain, that kind of absolute, heart-wrenching, life-changing anguish has made me… A lot of things, i think: Kinder? More patient? Calmer? More willing to roll with the punches and look for a sliver lining? Definitely more empathetic. And it has allowed me to be in the unique position of being an understanding and sympathetic friend and counselor to friends (& lately it seems there are a lot of them) who find themselves in similar situations. Which I AM grateful for. I’m thankful that I can lend an experienced and thoughtful perspective to those of my friends who are angry or hurting or feeling a little lost. When I was going though these issues i was desperate for someone to give me that ‘I’ve been there’ comfort and (fortunately for them!), precious few of my acquaintances were able to offer it.

I guess you can say that I’m grateful that experiences I thought would break me, that had the potential to forever skew my perceptions toward bitter and angry have instead made me into a better person, mother and friend.

w/ gratitude and love,
-Crystal

 

Toddler Tidbits

Sailor Mouth:
It’s official!  Jason and I need to curb our tongues… Marcail has been walking around saying “Effing” lately.  She’s not using it right… yet (she just says it during random situations) but it’s perfectly clear.

Too soon:
I talked to our pediatrician about the fact that Marcail does NOT play well by herself.. as in not at all… I was concerned because, you know, I need to get things done occasionally and therefore I can’t devote 24/7 to my toddler like she’d like me to do.  The doctor asked me if we’d considered preschool.  She thinks Marcail is very bright and energetic and is probably just bored.  Part of me is so incredibly proud, my daughter is so so smart! But part of me wants to scream NO and snatch her back from all this growing up nonsense and cuddle her forever.  Especially since we don’t intend to have more babies, it’s a bit hard to past the fact that she’s not one anymore. (FYI: Jason and I talked about it and think we’ll consider preschool NEXT year… it’s just too dang soon for Mommy to let her go).

Imaginary(ish) Friend:
My fellow thespian and friend, Mat, is incredibly good with kids and Marcail adores him.  So much so that she’s taken to talking to him and playing imaginary about him when he’s not around.  I don’t know what you call it when someone’s ‘imaginary’ friend is someone real… But it’s incredibly cute and an endless source of entertainment for me to watch her go about talking to a friend of mine who is not currently present.

w/love,
Crystal